The Republican Party has already admitted its brand is tarnished. They know they're going to lose the November elections, and they know they're going to have to work hard at showing some relevance for the next few years.
But they really don't have to be so glum. This is actually an opportunity. Here's what the GOP can do to save itself:
1: Impeach Bush and Cheney. Lost you already? Just consider this for a second: this administration has failed to preserve the most fundamental of conservative policies: small government and fiscal responsibility. In addition, Bush has failed to make good on his promises to evangelicals with his failed faith based initiatives. And let's not forget, the Iraq war, despite every attempt to spin it as a part of the so-called war on terror, is a detriment to that very cause.
The first thing the GOP needs to do in order to re-assert itself is to reject outright the president and his men for straying so far from the herd. They need to send a clear message that these guys aren't really conservatives, and the true conservatives have had enough of them.
2: Eject the moderates from the party, and the gays. Fuck the big tent, it only crowds the real conservatives, and it's time to let America know what the Republican Party is really about.
3: Write a new Contract with America, Gingrich style, and try to make people believe they'll actually make good on it this time. Put in all that really conservative, party-defining stuff: big military with good service benefits, laissez faire economic and foreign policies, shrinking the government and cutting spending, lowering taxes on business, decimating regulation laws, eliminating the EPA, and most importantly, getting serious about "family values".
How serious? I'm talking about an outright, unrelenting stance for Christianity. Banning gay marriage, re-instating sodomy laws, abolishing the public school system so churches can take over, then making damn sure they teach creationism; making blasphemy illegal and tightening censorship laws, banning abortion under every circumstance, and declaring war on Islam. OK, maybe they wouldn't try that last part, but you know they wanna.
In addition, get even more jingoistic. Bring up flag burning, unrestricted gun ownership, loyalty oaths, "love or leave it", and of course, unrepentant liberal bashing.
4: At the party convention, replace John McCain with a true conservative. After the Bush/Cheney impeachment, this should surprise no one.
5: Wait for Jesus to come back.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Chuck Asay the Asshole, Chapter 2
He's done it again! Note the little liberal peace sign and Gore 2000 sticker on the boat. Gotta love that conservative mind. This douchebag thinks it's OK to fuck our environment for the sake of our own gluttonous energy wants. Hey dickhead, we can adapt too... by using alternatives to fossil fuels. Them polar bears are actually red herrings.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Dems Have a Stupid Primary Process
With all this hubbub over the Michigan and Florida debacle, I have a few things I need to get off my chest.
For starters, Hillary Clinton is destroying her political career. Desperation does not become her, and all this goalpost-moving would only hurt her in the general election. She had every opportunity to run a clean campaign, but she has instead abandoned grace for raw ambition.
Concerning Michigan and Florida, the compromise under which they're all seated with a half vote each seems like a fair solution considering the voters deserve to have some kind of voice despite the failure of their representatives in the state legislature. I find the Clinton campaign's idea that Obama should receive 0 votes to be despicable, but that ain't gonna happen anyway.
As for the primary process itself, I have one simple and yet foolproof solution: every state has closed primaries on the same day, let's say somewhere in the middle of May, and there are no superdelegates. Every party member gets one vote, no independents or Republicans may be part of the process without changing affiliation, and there's no need to be concerned with party elites picking the candidate.
In addition, instant runoff voting should be the mechanism by which everyone votes. Not only is it a much more fair method, it's probably the only way a candidate could possibly secure a majority in such a large field.
It's a shame that makes too much sense to actually happen.
For starters, Hillary Clinton is destroying her political career. Desperation does not become her, and all this goalpost-moving would only hurt her in the general election. She had every opportunity to run a clean campaign, but she has instead abandoned grace for raw ambition.
Concerning Michigan and Florida, the compromise under which they're all seated with a half vote each seems like a fair solution considering the voters deserve to have some kind of voice despite the failure of their representatives in the state legislature. I find the Clinton campaign's idea that Obama should receive 0 votes to be despicable, but that ain't gonna happen anyway.
As for the primary process itself, I have one simple and yet foolproof solution: every state has closed primaries on the same day, let's say somewhere in the middle of May, and there are no superdelegates. Every party member gets one vote, no independents or Republicans may be part of the process without changing affiliation, and there's no need to be concerned with party elites picking the candidate.
In addition, instant runoff voting should be the mechanism by which everyone votes. Not only is it a much more fair method, it's probably the only way a candidate could possibly secure a majority in such a large field.
It's a shame that makes too much sense to actually happen.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Chuck Asay is an Asshole
... but I love reading his comics. They are such wonderful insights into the conservative mind. Take this one, for example, about California's recent legalization of gay marriage (all images are from Daryl Cagle's cartoonist index on MSN:
Can't you just taste the bigotry? Forget the ethical argument, just jump straight into the populist fallacy. If Chuck was alive during the abolition of slavery, I'd be willing to bet my plantation that he'd simply replace the pastor in this comic with Honest Abe, and the gay couple with slaves having their shackles removed.
Now here's a taste of his energy policy:
Stupid donkey! Just rape our environment! The best part of this comic is that it espouses one of the most easily debunked arguments on energy policy. Sorry Chuck, drilling in ANWR would only reduce gas prices by a penny.
Here's a personal favorite:
So true, Chuck... so true.
Global warming, anyone?
Mmmm, no Chuck. It's because the deniers are typically on ExxonMobil's payroll, or just hate Al Gore enough to throw reality aside in favor of disagreeing with him on every possible subject.
Can't you just taste the bigotry? Forget the ethical argument, just jump straight into the populist fallacy. If Chuck was alive during the abolition of slavery, I'd be willing to bet my plantation that he'd simply replace the pastor in this comic with Honest Abe, and the gay couple with slaves having their shackles removed.Now here's a taste of his energy policy:
Stupid donkey! Just rape our environment! The best part of this comic is that it espouses one of the most easily debunked arguments on energy policy. Sorry Chuck, drilling in ANWR would only reduce gas prices by a penny.Here's a personal favorite:
So true, Chuck... so true.Global warming, anyone?
Mmmm, no Chuck. It's because the deniers are typically on ExxonMobil's payroll, or just hate Al Gore enough to throw reality aside in favor of disagreeing with him on every possible subject.
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